


Tried and Tested

by Remy_Writes5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, MWPP, Marauders' Era, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 09:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5329352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remy_Writes5/pseuds/Remy_Writes5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one person Remus wants to be close to is the one person who won't touch him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tried and Tested

            Sirius doesn’t touch Remus unless he has to. Remus has observed that with everyone else in his life, even those on the periphery, Sirius Black is very much hands on. He seems to enjoy touching others whenever the mood strikes him: a pat on the back after a Quidditch match, ruffling James’ unkempt hair, finding dark corners to get off with people he fancied. But Sirius does not touch Remus and that is, Remus thinks, the biggest tragedy of his life.

            All sorts of explanations run through Remus’s head, but each one makes something twist in his stomach, because none of the reasons he can imagine are pleasant.

            He first notices Sirius’s aversion to him after the first night his friends spend with him in the Shrieking Shack. It had been the best full moon of Remus’s life, made spectacular by having his friends around. When he had finally come back to himself, he had been on the floor of the shack, naked and cold. James and Peter had rushed forward to help him and wrap his robe around him, but Sirius had hung back. Remus had glanced over at him absolutely terrified that something had happened to ruin their friendship. However, when they got back to the castle, Sirius had been his usual self, laughing and joking with everyone. Remus thought that maybe he had just misread things.

            Still, since that day, he has noticed that Sirius keeps his distance. It makes something inside Remus ache that the one person he wants to be close to is keeping him at arms length.

           

                                                                        _______________

 

            Remus has just gotten back to the Gryffindor Common Room after a very long day. His feet are dragging against the floor and he can barely move his limbs. The day after the full moon is always exhausting and he wishes he could just spend the whole day in bed. He used to when he was younger, but now he can’t afford to miss that much school.

            He’s just through the portrait hole when he hears soft, wet sucking noises that are unmistakably people kissing. He glances over at one of the sofas and sees the easily recognizable long dark hair of one Sirius Black. He’s snogging Mary Macdonald and has his hand up her shirt.

            “Sirius,” she giggles and Remus can’t help frowning. He clears his throat so that the two of them might realize they’re not alone.

            Sirius glances over and grins at him. “Hey mate, how was History of Magic?”

            “Stimulating as always,” Remus responds, his voice sounding a bit stiff.

            Sirius barks out a laugh. Mary does not take well to being ignored and shifts underneath Sirius. His attention is pulled back to her and he starts kissing her again.

            “Well, um, see you later,” Remus calls out a bit awkwardly before retreating up to his dormitory. He would hate Sirius Black if he wasn’t so bloody in love with him.

 

                                                                        ______________

 

            He tries not to let it bother him that Sirius Black is a shameless flirt. He doesn’t even just flirt with girls – Sirius would never limit his options in such a way – and often is just as likely to bat his eyelashes at a boy as well. Remus watches as Sirius snogs his way through most everyone in their year in Gryffindor and a few in the year above them. His pull rate is astonishing, but then who can say no to Sirius Black?

            “Ow, you bastard!” James shouts from his bed. Remus is up in a flash to check on him. He pulls the bed curtains aside and finds Sirius and James tangled up in each other.

            “What happened?” Remus asks, eyeing them warily.

            James shoves Sirius away. “Bloody menace nearly bit my tongue off!”

            “You can’t just go shoving it into people’s unsuspecting mouths!” Sirius reasons as he slides off James’ bed. “Besides, you’re the one who wanted to practice kissing.”

            James’ face goes a bit red and he glances at Remus sheepishly. “I just want to be ready in case Evans comes around.”

            “Never gonna happen, mate,” Sirius calls over his shoulder on his way to his own bed.

            “Sod off,” James snaps back, chucking his pillow at Sirius’s retreating form. “Moony, go hex him.”

            Remus shakes his head and goes back to his own bed. “Hex him yourself,” he responds, slumping down in his bed. He’s not jealous and he does not have a wank over the thought of Sirius in _his_ bed practicing kissing with him, thank you very much.

 

                                                                        _______________________

 

            Remus begins to feel starved for Sirius’s touch. The more Sirius withholds it, the more Remus craves it. He can remember Sirius touching him a bit during their first three years. Remus wracks his brain trying to figure out what he did to give Sirius an abhorrence to him.

            After a while, he starts to get angry about it. He finds himself snapping at Sirius fairly often, taking his frustrations out, which isn’t really fair. It has gotten to the point where he would take anything, a punch on the arm, a pat on the back, anything. The longer they go without touching, the more Remus needs it, and the fouler his mood gets.

            It isn’t until the Gryffindor Christmas party before the holidays that something inside Remus snaps. Sirius has mistletoe flying above his head and makes his way around the party kissing anyone and everyone. Everyone else thinks it’s a laugh and except for a few boys that don’t want to come across as “poofs”, everyone is eager to kiss Sirius Black.

            But Sirius stays resolutely on the opposite side of the room from Remus. Any time he is close to coming near Remus, Sirius will spot someone he just _has_ to snog that second and go bounding over to them.

            Sirius is also getting steadily pissed on Firewhiskey and eggnog. By the end of the night, he’s tripping over his own feet and singing Carols at the top of his lungs. Remus makes the decision that he will absolutely not be the one to take care of a smashed Sirius Black. Merlin forbid that Remus should actually have to touch him with his so clearly diseased self. He’s about head up to the dormitory when he sees Sirius kissing Peter.

            “You’ve got to be _kidding_ me,” Remus hisses, unable to believe that Sirius would kiss Wormtail but not him.

            Sirius grins lopsidedly at him and shrugs. “Pete was lonely.”

            Remus glares at him and stomps all the way up to their dormitory. _What, you don’t think I’m lonely?_ Remus thinks bitterly to himself.

 

                                                                        _________________________

 

            Remus and Sirius are the only two of their pack staying at Hogwarts over Christmas break. Sirius is staying because he’s been recently disinherited by his family. He plans to stay with the Potters over the summer break, but clearly doesn’t want to intrude on their Christmas.

            For Remus, it is supposed to be a full moon on the night they’re meant to return to Hogwarts, so he would rather just avoid traveling. His parents are sad that he’s missing Christmas but they don’t push him about it.

            Remus wonders how he’s going to possibly get through it. He’s still upset with Sirius about the Christmas party, but doesn’t feel like he can say anything about it. It’s going to be a long Christmas break.

            The two of them are playing wizard chess and Remus is winning. It feels like a small victory even though it does nothing to change anything else wrong in his life.

            “This game is stupid, let’s play something else,” Sirius grumbles after he knocks his king down in defeat.

            “Like what?”

            “I dunno.” Sirius shrugs and slumps back in his seat. “Anything to take my mind off the fact that I’m _here_ for Christmas.”

            Remus frowns and stands up.

            “Where are you going?” Sirius asks, scrambling to stand as well. “Remus?”

            “You are such an insensitive prick!” Remus snaps at him, unable to hold it back any longer.

            “What did I say?” Sirius asks, staring at Remus in confusion.

            “I’m sorry that you’re stuck here with me on your Christmas holiday, I know you’d rather be anywhere else.”

            “I didn’t mean it like that,” Sirius explains, taking a step towards Remus.

            “Then what did you mean?” Remus challenges him, staring him down. “Rather be with your horrible family that you hate instead of with me, is that it?”

            “No, I’d rather be with James and his family,” Sirius responds simply.

            “Yes, of course!” Remus shouts, starting to feel a bit hysterical. All his anger and frustration is bubbling and he can’t seem to push it down anymore. A dam has broken inside him and now he can’t stop. “Because James isn't diseased the way I am.”

            “What are you on about?” Sirius asks, his brow crinkling.

            “You know what I’m talking about!”

            “I really don’t, mate.”

            “Then why do you never touch me?” Remus growls at him. Sirius glances away and at least has the decency to look a bit ashamed. “So what is it? The fact that I’m a werewolf? A half-blood? Neither one is catching. You won’t soil the name of Black just by touching me and lycanthropy doesn’t transfer through skin contact.”

            “It’s not about that!” Sirius insists.

            “I suppose you can take the boy out of his pureblood house but you can’t take the pureblood out of the boy,” Remus spits out.

            “Remus, stop talking before I punch you,” Sirius warns him, scowling at him.

            “You can’t!” Remus says, laughing but there’s not mirth to it. “That would actually involve touching me for once!”

            “I touch you,” Sirius tells him defensively.

            “No, you don’t,” Remus informs him. “You’ll hang all over James, snog anyone that comes near you, but touching me is just too disgusting to you apparently!”

            “I don’t treat you like everyone else and you think that’s a bad thing?”

            “Yes!”

            “You’re such a moron!” Sirius shouts at him.

            “Oh sure, insult me, that makes it all _so_ much better!” Remus yells back. They both have their hands clenched into fists, squaring off against each other, and breathing heavily. Remus realizes that Sirius is not going to back down and it doesn’t matter if he does, because Remus is never going to get what he wants. “You know what, Sirius,” he says, uncurling his fists and slumping his shoulders. “I’ll do you a favor and keep away from you.”

            “Remus, that’s not –“ Sirius starts but Remus turns on his heels and heads up to the dormitory. He hears Sirius call out to him again but he resolutely does not turn around.

 

                                                                                    __________________

 

            _Dear Remus,_

_Hope you had a nice Christmas. Going from Padfoot’s letter though I’m guessing not. I don’t know what happened between the two of you because Sirius was pretty vague about the whole thing. I know I shouldn’t ask you this, you must have your reasons for getting into it with him, but can you please talk to him? He’s miserable and he’s sending me three owls a day. My parents are starting to get concerned and I don’t think Dee Dee can take the strain. Give the poor sod a break, will ya? He’s clearly sorry._

_Your mate,_

_James_

**Dear James,**

**I hope you had a pleasant Christmas as well. As for Sirius, I’m afraid I can’t forgive him. It’s just really complicated and with you and Peter gone there’s no one to act as a buffer between us. I’m afraid this was a long time coming because Sirius can’t treat me like an actual human being. Until he can learn to do that, there’s nothing I can do.**

**Sincerely,**

**Remus**

_Dear Moony,_

_What are you on about? Sirius looks at you like the moon shines out of your arse. All these years I thought you were smart but it turns out you are incredibly thick._

           -  _Prongs_

**Prongs,**

**You’re mistaken or you’ve started taking some kind of hallucinogenic potion without my knowledge. Also, if you think I’m so thick, then I’ll refrain from helping you with your DADA homework in the future.**

       **-  Moony**

_Remus,_

_Hey now, let’s not get crazy here. You are all things brilliant and wonderful, Moony. But please, I am begging you, talk to Sirius._

      - _James_

**James,**

**I’ve said everything I have to say to him. If he wants to talk so badly, he can grow a pair and come talk to me.**

-       **Remus**

_Moony,_

_He’s scared. He thinks he screwed things up to the point where they can’t be fixed. I’ll give you anything, ANYTHING, Moony, if you’ll just talk to him._

_-Prongs_

___________________

 

Remus sighs and goes in search of Sirius. He has no idea what he is meant to say to him, but having James owe him a favor is too good to pass up. He finds Sirius down in the kitchens, drinking pumpkin juice and eating some biscuits. He’s sitting on the counter while a bunch of house-elves fuss over him. Remus swallows around the lump in his throat and makes his way over. He hoists himself up onto the counter next to Sirius and kicks his heels against the counter nervously.

Sirius wordlessly holds out the plate with the biscuits on it and Remus takes one. They smile shyly at each other and Remus breaks the tension by taking a bite.

“You’ve got a crumb,” Sirius informs him, reaching out and brushing it from the corner of Remus’s mouth with his thumb. Warmth blooms from his mouth all the way down to his toes at the knowledge that Sirius is touching him. He’s actually touching him.

“Thanks,” Remus says, clearing his throat. He looks down at the plate of biscuits and gets an idea. He crumbles one up in his hand and throws it at Sirius.

Sirius’s mouth is open in shock. “Oi, that’s a waste of a good biscuit, you heathen!”

            Remus laughs and jumps down off the counter. He grabs for the first thing he can find, a bowl of nuts, and starts flinging them at Sirius. Sirius jumps down and takes cover. He grabs a pot lid and uses it like a shield.

            The house-elves panic and run away as Sirius and Remus have a food fight in the kitchen. “Ow, you bloody wanker, that hurts!” Remus shouts as Sirius chucks an apple that hits him in the chest.

            “No more than that pear you just threw!”

            Remus grabs a pitcher of pumpkin juice and is about to dump it over Sirius’s head when McGonagall walks in. “Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black! What is the meaning of this?”

            Remus puts the pitcher down and steps away.

            They end up getting detention, but it doesn’t matter. They’ve got their arms around each other and are laughing all the way back to the Gryffindor common room. It’s the happiest Remus can remember being all year.

 

                                                                        ________________________

 

            From that moment on, things are mostly the same, but subtly different. No one but Remus would notice that now Sirius finds reasons to touch him. It makes Remus almost giddy every time it happens.

            He’s sitting on the floor writing a potions essay, his back against the sofa where Sirius is currently residing. He lets out a huff of annoyance as he has to check his potions book yet again. This essay is taking much longer than he’d hoped.

            He feels a hand on his head and nearly jumps at the contact. He looks back and sees that Sirius has placed his hand in Remus’s hair and is carding his fingers through it affectionately. Remus smiles and goes back to his homework. The hand is more distracting than anything else, but Remus isn’t about to tell him to stop.

           

                                                                        ______________________

 

            The first time Sirius crawls into his bed at night, Remus thinks that he is about to die of happiness. Sirius usually makes his way into Potter’s bed on nights he can’t sleep. For whatever reason, he’s chosen to pick Remus’s bed and Remus can’t help being extremely flattered.

            “Alright, Moony?” Sirius asks, snuggling under the covers.

            “Mmhmm,” Remus hums softly. “You?”

            “Cold,” Sirius replies, shuffling closer to Remus.

            Remus knows this is a lie. Sirius has never been cold in his life. The boy radiates heat and can walk around in -12 weather in nothing but a t-shirt. Remus welcomes to extra body heat seeing as his feet are like blocks of ice. He doesn’t know why Sirius lies about it, but Remus isn’t about to question it. He merely puts his arm around Sirius and drifts happily to sleep.

 

                                                                                    _____________________

 

            Remus notices things about Sirius Black. He can’t help it. Ever since his crush began, he soaks up information about Sirius like a sponge. If he had the time, he would start a journal listing all the things he knows about him. That his hands automatically curl into fists when he thinks someone is threatening his friends. He hunches his back when he’s trying to look unassuming or wants something from someone. He has at least six different smiles. His eye twitches whenever someone mentions his family.

            So it takes Remus longer than it should have to realize that Sirius has stopped snogging people. Remus never catches him snogging anyone and he never sees the trademark signs of it when he sees Sirius. He can’t help wondering what caused the change. Maybe Sirius has simply snogged everyone worth snogging and is over it.

            It’s a surprisingly warm day for early spring. Sirius and Remus are sitting under their favorite tree by the lake while James attempts to help Peter get better at Quidditch. They all know it’s a lost cause, but no one has the heart to tell Peter that and he’s in a perpetual state of denial.

            “So,” Remus says, resting his head back against the trunk of the tree. “I haven’t seen you pull in a while. Have you been sneaking off to the Hufflepuff common room or something?”

            Sirius eyes him. “What’s it to you?”

            Remus shrugs and says, “Just curious.” He hopes it sounds aloof.

            Sirius chuckles. “You don’t need to be so concerned for my love life. I could have someone right now if I wanted.”

            Remus rolls his eyes. “Merlin’s beard, you’re an arrogant sod.”

            Before he can register what is happening, Sirius is on top of him, straddling his lap. “Are you doubting me, Remus Lupin?” Sirius asks, his eyes ablaze with something like mischief.

            “N-no,” Remus answers, his mouth suddenly gone dry. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

            Sirius leans in and just barely brushes his lips against Remus’s. Remus feels his breath hitch at the contact.

            “Do you remember the first full moon we spent with you?” Sirius whispers, letting his lips ghost over Remus’s mouth.

            “Yes,” Remus croaks out. He can’t breathe properly and he feels as though the entire world is spinning.

            “That’s when I knew,” Sirius tells him softly, kissing him a bit more firmly on the lips.

            “Knew what, exactly?” Remus asks, his heart pounding away in his chest.

           “That I fancied you,” Sirius responds. “You were lying there naked and I couldn’t help being affected by it. S’how I knew I liked blokes, but I wasn’t going to act on it. I didn’t know how you felt until we had that row at Christmas. If you just wanted to be friends, why would you care that I didn’t touch you? You mentioned me snogging other people and I thought maybe you were upset because you wanted me to snog you, or at least I hoped. I was keeping my hands to myself because I didn’t want to muck things up between us. I had a feeling once I started touching you, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands to myself.”

            “And now that you know that I don’t want you to keep your hands to yourself?” Remus asks, raising an eyebrow. 

            “You’re _important,_ Moony,” Sirius tells him, cupping Remus’s face in his hands. “You know that, right? You were angry with me for treating you differently, but I treat you differently because you mean more to me.”

            Remus can’t help beaming at him. “Are you always this soppy?”

            Sirius laughs. “You bring it out of me.”

            “Come on, then,” Remus says, sucking gently on Sirius’s lower lip. “You’ve got a lot to make up for. You best get started or you’ll be stuck with me for life.”

            Sirius sighs and kisses Remus hungrily. “Oh Moony, Moony, Moony." Each time Sirius says his name it sounds like a promise. "I _really_ wouldn’t mind.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I couldn't help writing another fic for this pairing. I'm obsessed and I can't stop the plot bunnies. Anyways, thanks for reading!


End file.
